An Open Letter to Hoda

One of those annoying food pictures. 

Dear Hoda,

Ok, I must admit. I didn't actually see your show. I haven't seen your show in over a year. We gave up cable TV over a year ago and I haven't looked back. But I did get word on either Twitter or Facebook that you said something along the lines of breastfeeding being beautiful and natural but don't post pictures of it on social media as it was TMI.

Wooaaa...bet you didn't expect to see a nurse in happening outside your studios after that? Or people sending you their breast feeding selfies? Or maybe, you're in the media...say anything unsavory and people are going to say something. And yeah, good for you for getting people excited. I love that.

But what I want to say is...isn't everything damn thing on social media TMI? I mean, really, isn't it TMI to see what someone made for dinner? Isn't it TMI to see your stupid feet on the beach on vacation? Isn't it TMI to find out your little one lost a tooth and I have to see a gaping hole in his mouth? Isn't it TMI that I have to see your new haircut?

You get it hopefully now. Everything on social media is TMI. I think we've crossed the line or haven't yet defined it. I personally find that posting pictures of food is the most annoying social post. I feel the same as you about people eating and posting - T. BLOODY M. BLOODY I. I just want you to eat your food and not post it. But I guess the difference is you don't want to see babies eating their food. That's TMI for you. So, we all have our social media boundaries that we don't want it crossed.

My only request to you is that you NEVER NEVER post pictures of yourself eating or drinking. That is just TMI. I don't need to see that. I don't want to know about it. Its just way too much information. I know its natural. I know its beautiful and I know its yummy (sorta like breastfeeding is...) but stop. Its just TMI for me. (Hey, isn't your show based around you sipping wine and eating...TMI...)

(By the way, I hope that one day we can share a meal and a drink together. I am still nursing my 20 month old. How about we take a picture of our meal and nursing baby and post it. I think that might just be the best apology we both could offer to the social medial word. I know I've had it with the food posting and I know you've had it with the nursing postings...so, what do you say?)

I've Found the Most Impossible Thing

Do you know whats next to impossible?

Trying to get people to RSVP. That's right. RSbloodyVP.

I've seen frantic moms at the grocery store wondering how many hot dogs they should buy because they don't know who all is coming - why? Because people didn't RSVP.

And maybe I'm being unfair, maybe, just maybe people don't know what RSVP means. So, I'm here to help so I can go find the next most impossible thing.

Ok, I'll go easy as RSVP is a French abbreviation for "Just Bloody Tell Me If You Are Coming or Not", its so freaking easy, its a Yes or No question. Just like the notes we passed in Junior High - "do you like me? circle one Y/N."

Seriously, it stands for répondez s'il vous plaît. And because its French, it sounds so beautiful. But what it really means is, "Fucking Tell if you're coming or not."

Let's break this down:

Respond. It means just that. Respond. When someone invites you, its because they want YOU to be there. And guess what, they are planning around YOU being there (or not).

Here's the thing, life as we know it has made it so bleeping simple to RESPOND. So, unless you lack a pulse or are a complete jerk, responding is about the easiest thing you can do. Its really a yes or no question and I think we can figure that out.

But do you know what is the number one reason people don't respond?!! It's because they don't have time. Yup, it was too time consuming to answer that yes or no question. I could have responded to about 800 RSVP's by the time I've read this so if you're reading this, then yes, you do have time to answer Yes or No.

I've sent out a couple Evites to events. And then I won't get a response (you know the R part of RSVP and doggoneit, I always put RSVP on my invitations). So you bet I track that lousy RSVP person down...it goes something like this, "Hey, did you get my evite to my paaaaaaarty?!" "Oh yeh, I haven't had time to reply"

If you have time to look at your phone, open up email, read email, then you have time to press yes or no. Yes; you do have time. So really...what's the deal? Why do people automatically default as using time or lack thereof as an excuse?  I think I'd rather hear, "I was waiting for something more exciting to come up...I am so disorganized I cannot seem to look that far into the future...I don't know how to commit to something in the future...I don't like coming to your parties because they are too much fun and I don't know what to do with myself...I can't afford a babysitter...I need to ask my husband first..." ANYTHING...ANYTHING...but saying you don't have time. Seriously, if you don't have time to press Yes or No on your phone then...well, then we obviously can no longer be friends. Then that is one less evite to read, one less to RSVP to and by that, I'm giving you the gift of time so you can RSVP to someone else.

Pink Hair, College, Europe and Twitter. Its all related.

 I went to college in the Fall of 1999. Digital cameras were not available then so I really don't have crap ton of pictures of myself from then, let alone a selfie. So, here I am, studying botany. Yes, drinking a mint julep is botany (Latin word for mint is Lamiaceae, hence how I studied botany) But lets look at my hair. My god, that was awesome hair. One day I just took it clean off and got so many compliments. A lot of compliments were, "you look just like Pink!" She apparently had short dark hair at that time, too. One day I was leaving the 'Caf' at school and for some reason there were all these elementary school kids there. They just stopped, gobsmacked and then were screaming and running towards me. Kids (at that time) rather freaked me out, so I dared not move and they got me. "PIIIIIINKKKK!!!" The shock of the attack made it so I couldn't laugh nor speak ("Sorry, um, Pink does not go to school here in Birmingham, Alabama." is what I should have said) No, they asked for my autograph, ah hem, Pink's autograph. I did the right thing of course and signed as many papers for them as Pink. Gave them lots of hugs, high 5's and walked away as badass as I thought Pink would. And kids, well, you're adults now, those autographs are worth nothing.

Pink Hair 2003 - Still getting asked if I'm Pink

My sister and I spent then entire year of 2002 in the UK/Ireland and Europe. We did random odd jobs for fun and more importantly, to save to backpack through Europe. Money was very tight so we had to question our spendings - was it TRULY worth it or not. For instance, while in Austria I saw for the very first time a horseradish. I was just so amazed that it was a real thing instead of something in a jar that I felt the need to mail it to my parents in Kansas. My sister said no, that was definitely not a wise way to spend our backpacking money. Um, I did it anyway. Imagine my parents surprise - opening a box to find a rotten horseradish. "WTF" did not exist back then, but I'm sure they said it. Anyway, something we did spend money on was 2 CD's. One was Pink's album. Buying "Misundaztood" really was extravagant purchase but its still the background to every memory of the best year of my life. 

A little more grown up but can't stay away from that Pink. 2012

So, I've been a fan of Pink and Pink hair for as long as I remember. I've never seen her in concert -bummer. But I think I like HER as much as her music. Who doesn't, right? ANYway,  I use Facebook like most everyone else, to keep in touch with friends, look at cute pictures of kiddos (they don't freak me out so much, I have 3 now) But every once and while I will blow off a few statements of how I feel or what needs to be said. My husband kept telling me I need to blog because my thoughts and opinions were just too strong for Facebook. I like(d) Facebook, I liked feeling connected to people. And really, blogging seemed like so. much. work. I saw HTML and ran away. So between posting pictures of my awesome kids (hey, at least I don't post pictures of my food) I would also post about breast feeding, mothering, birthing, maybe hit on vaccines, health, love, you get it. I didn't know it would ever become an issue. I truly didn't believe in cyber bullying until I got this.

Part of a message sent to me after posting about  car seat safety, formula companies and support for breast feeding moms. 

So, my God, I do believe in cyber bullying now. That message brought me to my knees. I really felt attacked. I was really devastated. I decided that moment it was time to get off Facebook. I would never let anyone attack me or invade my life like that again. So, just as I was about to delete my account I realized I was mourning more the loss of keeping in touch with my friends versus feeling upset over those nasty words. I almost quit, but decided to get better instead. I really didn't know what or how to get better meant but I knew at that moment I wasn't going to quit. I was going to find a better platform or different audience because geez, I've really got a lot to say I didn't want to be bullied into shutting up. I wanted an outlet, I want a community, I want to support my tribe. The only thing I knew of was Facebook, but I realized that wasn't working but I definitely wasn't going to delete my account and that was for sure. 

Two days after that decision to keep my account, something stumbled upon my lap (and how does that work, when I walk I don't stumble on laps, I stumble on my ass...) I'm not sure WHY I even took a second look at it, but hey, my kids were quiet so why not have a  little look. It was a link to a class called HoneyBadgers - Social Media training through Directly Successful. (https://www.facebook.com/DirectlySuccessful) Ding...! I signed up because I wanted to be BETTER at social media. The first assignment was to give Kelly the instructor all our social media URL's. I knew I had signed up for all those things way back when and went searching for my user names. Seriously, what in the heck was Instagram and Twitter? I barely have time to sneak in cheeky glances on Facebook let alone use other social media. 

Twitter was not covered in the course so I asked my very amazing software architect husband, "what the hell is Twitter?" It makes no sense, its so dumb, its not a language, @...#...seriously, this is so dumb." He explains (and he has a lovely British accent, if that helps you imagine the conversation) 

He "Its microblogging"

Me "Dumb, I have so much to say"

He "You @ someone to mention them"

Me "Dumb, you send people emails"

He "You # to be in a topic"

Me "Uhh...dumb"

He "Who are you following?"

Me "Adam Levine, because ya know, its Adam Levine. Pink, because she is awesome. You and my mom" 

He "Its really not dumb, you'll like it..." 

Me "How do I know its really those people and they most get bombarded like 9 million times a day by people @ them."

He "You'll figure it out. I'm going to bed..."

And yes, my mom was on Twitter before me. I'm ok with that because she is awesome. 

So, I'm going to figure this out. I'm determined. Seriously, what can go wrong (oh, well, someone COULD send you a nasty message, but I don't know anyone on Twitter so I'm gonna go for it....)

Ok..so @Pink..yes, I'll @Pink because she is breastfeeding mom and so am I. So, before I do, lets see her page. Oh...I see people are calling her Fat? Wow, thats weird because she is so strong...oh, cute her daughter called her squishy. My kids call me that, too. That is what I will @ her.... and so I did...

Instantly, I got a notification that she ReTweeted me. My husband did NOT cover what a ReTweet was so I sent him a text before going to bed (modern day post it notes for married couples) so when he woke up he knew that I was RT'd by Pink. (I did Twitter, I @ Pink, I was Retweeted. Cool. Love you, Goodnight and Good morning) Turned phone off and went to bed... And Holy Geez, to wake up in the morning an see 100's of notifications and 100's of new followers, virtual high 5's and hugs from around the world. I was messaged by Anti-bullying groups, Mom's groups, women's groups, Pink Fans, Activists groups, breastfeeding groups. Overnight I found my tribe. 

Of course, thanks to Pink. She inspires me and always has, from pink hair to her badass attitude. (and how fun to be mistaken by her years ago and now in the same Twitter feed and CNN headlines http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/14/entertainment/feat-pink-weight-response-hln/index.html) Its been an HONOR to be on a campaign with her - supporting beauty, embracing our freakin' amazing bodies, acceptance, love, power and mothering. I cannot think of anyone else who I'd rather be associated with than the one and only Pink. Thank you for this crazy ride, and crash course on Twitter. Thank you to all the friends who are following me. 

And to all my warriors - when we are close to quitting, lets decide to get better instead. Look what happens.